Yesterday’s Evening Workout
- 4 miles, outside (ran 3, walked 1)
Last night, I met up with some of the biggest losers to run. I feel like I need to call them something else besides the biggest losers. Maybe I should call them my running buddies.
Last night, I met up with my running buddies to run. We ran three miles and walked about a mile. Running is so much easier with a group.
Don’t I look stylish in my running clothes?
No. No, I don’t. And doesn’t Jaden looked wacked in that picture? His face is so funny.
Breakfast this morning was one of my favorite – peanut butter french toast with apple slices. I have been eating so many Honeycrisp apples that I shouldn’t have to go to the doctor for years. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, right? Well then, I’m set.
- 5 miles outside
This morning I ran the same path I ran with my running buddies last night, only I went a bit farther to complete 5 miles. Then I rewarded myself with some McDonald’s coffee. It’s the little things in life.
Today, I would like to talk about something a little different – body image.
I’ve honestly always had a hard time accepting my body. It’s something I’ve never really felt comfortable with – I always felt overweight or too tall or like my calves were too big or like my stomach wasn’t flat enough.
When I joined the Biggest Loser, I had just lost 20 pounds from doing a different weight loss contest, so no, I wasn’t overweight anymore. But I liked the idea of a group that meet and worked together to achieve a common goal and I hoped it would help me lose those last few pounds.
However, some of the people in the Biggest Loser looked at me different. They didn’t think that I needed to be there and some of them even disliked me. That’s where body image comes in – to them, I looked fine. To myself, in the mirror, I only saw those last 10 pounds that I needed to lose or my tummy pooch from having babies. I focused on the negative rather than the positive.
The other day at the gym, a women came up to me and said something along the lines of, I’ve noticed you working out here for the past year, and I just wanted to tell you that you look great. You can tell how hard you’ve been working and that you’ve lost weight because you look wonderful.
How sweet is that? I think it’s so nice when someone else notices all the hard work that you’ve been doing and takes the time to tell you how great you look. Of course, I told her how much I appreciated her comments and thanked her, but in the back of the head those little negative body image lightning bolts started firing – maybe I would look even better if I lost these last 10 pounds, maybe she hasn’t seen my extra-large calves and round tummy.
I don’t want to do this. I want to be accepting of my body and look at it in a positive light. I want to look in the mirror and see how far I’ve come, not how far I have to go.
Losing weight was hard for me. It was a struggle. I love food. That about sums it up. I can eat large amounts of food without ever feeling full. I don’t want two squares of chocolate, I want the whole damn bar. I gain weight very easily. I didn’t start to lose weight until I started measuring all my food and writing down every single thing I ate. It made me realize how much I was actually eating.
Some people have normal relationships with food – they eat when they’re hungry and stop when they’re full. I eat when I’m hungry, bored, stressed, upset, or when there’s chocolate cake.
My weight has always been up and down. I’ve never been obese, but I have been overweight. I was on bedrest with my son while I was pregnant and gained a lot of weight. I lost a lot of weight after he was born (I weighed less than I do now) and then I gained weight back. I didn’t weigh myself for years and that’s why I gained so much weight. So yes, I am one of those people who weighs herself daily or every other day. But I need to stay accountable. I try not to let that number affect my mood, but rather use it as a guide to make sure I don’t gain a lot of weight back.
Right after Jaden was born:
Pregnant and about a year after Jaden was born:
Shortly before I started the weight loss challenges:
I want to be healthy and happy. I don’t want to lose weight because I think being skinny will make me happy. I want to lose weight because I want to be healthy. I have no problem with the exercise. I love to exercise – you will find me at the gym six mornings a week. What I want is to be healthy and more accepting of my body. I want to focus on the positives rather than the negatives. But it’s hard. It’s hard to change how your mind works and how you look at your body.
I don’t feel like I am thin or skinny. I feel average. And I am. For my height (5’8″) I am of average weight. I’m not at the high-end of the scale and I am not at the low-end of the scale. I am right in the middle. And sometimes I don’t want to be in the middle. Yes, I want to be thin. But I don’t want it to take over my life. I want to be accepting. And it’s something I’m working on. I don’t see myself how other people see me.
So, one positive thing about my body? I like my arms. I loved how toned BodyPump has made them. I have been doing BodyPump 2-3 times a week for a year and I have never been this toned before. I will try to focus more on the positive rather than the negative when I look in the mirror. One day at a time.
Thoughts on body image?
What do you love about your body?